What The Hell Am I Chasing?

Truth be told, I'm a bit of a self-improvement junkie. If there's a way to make something "better", more efficient, more effective, quicker, life-hack-y...it's on like Donkey Kong motherf*cker. Haha. Its something I continue to notice in myself day to day, this insatiable drive that yes, has been beneficial in achieving things and goals and whatnot, however can sometimes be detrimental when I end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off forgetting what I was even chasing in the first place. I think sometimes it's just an addiction to the act of chasing, and that's a jagged-ass pill to swallow.

It's been years since I had the breakthrough where I finally saw that if I kept chasing something I would never reach my goal, as a new one would arise and I'd conveniently forget the original one, and that would go on and on and on. And yet...here I am sometimes still finding myself thinking that I don't already have everything I need right now to live a beautiful and joyful life.

Here is a quick reminder that we all have everything we need right now. I used to think that accepting my life circumstances would mean I'd settle and never change things and be stuck, and yet I've experienced the opposite.

We are all enough and deserve love the way we are, all parts of us. Perhaps the parts we see as messy or bad or let's be honest here - simply fucked up (which they actually aren't, trust me), are the ones that need love even more. I said to my partner the other day when I woke up that it feels strange to not be actively TRYING for something - whether it be improving my sleep schedule, getting more fit, gaining more energy, and whatever else my mind comes up with as the next big thing. Living in this unknown space feels terrifying yet also incredibly freeing. Honestly, the peace I've found in myself at those moments where I accept exactly as I am NOW, I realize, feels a whole lot like the thing I've been chasing all along.

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Xx

Kat