More lessons from my cats
I’m laying in my comfortable bed, in my comfortable pajamas. I take a deep breath in and out and close the book I’d been reading, “The Untethered Soul”. I’m in a state of bliss, and I don’t want to move a muscle in fear that it will wear off. I really feel, for the first time, that I can distinguish my mind from my true self. I start noticing the voice in my head and I’m learning to listen but not let myself engage. Yes! I’ve done it. The world is quiet.
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Fast forward. As usual, when another layer peels off, it simply uncovers another layer to work on, even when I think the work is done. HAHA. As soon as I started noticing myself as separate from my mind, the judgments began. It became another layer to work with on this journey. I spent a lot of time getting hooked back into my mind as I’d judge myself for the thoughts I was having when I noticed they were not healthy, and then I’d also judge myself for judging the thoughts themselves. Then, I learned that the judgments, too, were simply just thoughts. OH MAN. For me, this progression was not easy, and was met with a lot of resistance. The journey definitely was not a straight line, and I remember a therapist once telling me that the healing journey is a spiral, rather than a straight line. So I now am doing my best to use that as I navigate this all.
Today I started writing in my journal and I got to thinking about my cats again. I thought about how I noticed myself getting angry when they would claw the couch, hop on a table and break something, puke on my shoes, etc. Over the years, I began to release that anger (especially towards them) because I knew that they weren’t doing it on purpose. They are cats just doing what cats do! They don’t know that the couch is something I’ve bought and they should not rip it apart! They don’t know that the garbage isn’t simply an all-you-can-eat buffet of special treats! Thinking of it this way made me laugh and feel lighter, and I knew I was on the right path. Also, the anger at them (and really, myself), did not stop the things from happening. They were also unaware because they didn’t even know they were doing anything wrong.
Then I thought, if this is true about the cats, can this be true for the mind as well? I thought about how angry at the mind I’d get for thinking things I didn’t want it to think, and how that never actually made anything better. The mind thinks because it’s a mind, it’s simply a supercomputer of what we’ve been through and our experiences and what we’ve taken in - that’s it’s job. It’s like being angry at a computer for not showing emotion when making a decision if it hasn’t been programmed to do so. The mind’s thoughts are random and I’m the only one who’s suffering by judging and taking them personally.
So, I’m working on being easier with myself and thinking of the mind in this way seems to really help. “Oh, that’s just the mind, thinking again”. And then simply move on.
Learning anything, especially music, will bring up a SLEW of thoughts. Anything that makes you get that deep and vulnerable usually triggers the mind to say all sorts of things. So, when you notice these thoughts, see if you can apply the same principles. Simply accept that the mind is thinking these thoughts, and then don’t take them personally. It will help you continue on your path to learning, and improve more quickly, because you are using your resources toward the task at hand, rather than toward judging your mind for doing what it is programmed to do.
If you want to read more like this, and stay updated with my latest releases and offerings, please subscribe to my mailing list by clicking here. Can you relate? Have you noticed yourself as separate from your thoughts? Do you ever find yourself judging yourself for judging yourself? I’d love to hear from you. And always, if there’s anything you’d like me to write about please let me know by leaving a comment or e-mailing me here. Onward.
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xxKat