New Music Video and Believe in Yourself!
Dudes, first off, can we pop the champagne (or sparkly water) together?! I released my first music video for my project stormylovechild!! Holy shit. What a journey it’s been. So much doubt, so much I can’t, so much just show up and do it anyway even when I thought wtf am I doing. I really had to fight with the voices in my head about my limitations, telling me “you’ll never get this done during the pandemic”, or “who do you think you are trying to make a music video”, “what will people think?” and so on and so forth. Well, even when I didn’t think I could, I showed up and…it happened. Fred was there with me the whole way, had his own vision and pulled it off with his amazing directing and shooting skills, but the cool thing was that I jumped right in and did a lot of the editing and colour correcting work, learning along the way, and gained a whole new set of skills that I will be able to use in the future! It was really a labour of love. And…I’m glad it’s over so I can sleep again and do laundry and tidy up my apartment.
Check it out here and I’d love to know what you think! It feels like all my feelings and heart and soul wrapped up in 4 minute video. It’s called “Daydream”. (You can also click the pic below).
Speaking of just jumping in and saying “I can” when your mind is screaming at you “I can’t”, I wanted to share a bit of the story of how the P!NK gig came to be, because as I was thinking of the music video and what it took to make it happen, it brought up this memory and the same feelings I felt at the time, back in about November 2008.
Rewind.
I couldn’t believe it. I was on my beat up leather couch, on my little white Macbook and there in my Myspace inbox (who remembers Myspace?) was a message from Mark Schulman, Pink’s drummer, telling me that they actually were looking for someone for the touring band. My heart was thrashing in my chest and my body was tingly all over and it felt like a crazy ass dream. For maybe about a month now I had been obsessed with figuring out how to play in Pink’s band though it seemed like a completely crazy idea. When I get obsessed with something, I get obsessed. I get tunnel vision, which can be both a blessing and a curse. I researched her album release date and tried to figure out tour cycle, watched live videos of her and her band online, I nearly went to MuchMusic headquarters (Canadian MTV type thing) where she’d be performing to meet her and the band, sent messages to a ton of people I knew and didn’t know just asking if they knew anyone that knew anyone that could get me even a half step closer. There was this raging fire inside of me that was driving me, even if my mind did not yet believe it or understand it at the time. I continued reading Mark’s message. It said he had checked out my music profile page and he said it was great, and said I could be a good fit. (Whatttt?!?!? My brain was exploding.) He asked if I had professional gear, if I played guitar and keyboards, etc. He also said they didn’t usually hire people who weren’t from LA, never mind outside America, but asked if I would be willing to relocate.
At that time, to be honest my guitar was a weeee bit rusty as I had been mostly doing keys gigs, and I definitely was not from LA, as I sat in my cold ass apartment in snowy Toronto, Canada. My mind immediately went into the “See, you’re not the right fit. You’re not good enough, you should have been practicing guitar more, you’re going to make a fool of yourself if you show up there without the chops, and you probably don’t sing well enough, you should just forget about this and tell him never mind, go back to your regularly scheduled program.” I looked around my apartment, and suddenly I remembered why I had been doing all this damn research in the first place. I knew there had to be more to life than this and that the music inside me needed a different and bigger opportunity to come out. I wanted more so bad I could taste it. I wanted more so bad that it kept me up at night and it made me cry all the time. I wanted more so bad that I took a deep breath and typed Mark a message back. I told him that I was awesome at both guitar and keyboards and that I sing too. I told him that I was a professional session musician and had toured with a bunch of Canadian artists and had great professional gear and described it to him. I told him that I currently lived in Toronto, Canada but I’d move anywhere and do anything I needed to do to get an audition. All the while I typed this I felt like a fraud and that I was lying, but there was something deep in me that knew none of it was a lie, I was actually being truthful and advocating for who I actually was. I became who I said I was and did the things I said I could, because I believed.
So clearly, it worked out. I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity in my lifetime to tour with such an amazing artist and with such an amazing group of people, from the band to the dancers to the crew to the fans to everyone who became family. From the moment I wrote that message back, I started practicing guitar like crazy to get my chops back up. From the moment I found out I did, in fact, get an audition (holy shit, right?!) and got the songs to learn, I practiced them day in and day out, every moment I possibly could. I learned and programmed sounds for every single keys part, every single guitar part, all the backing vocals. I made the arrangements to ensure I had the proper gear show up in LA at the audition. I pooled together my Aeroplan miles and whatever money I could scrape together to get a plane ticket for the audition. I made it happen. So many times in that gig as well, I would be told to do a new part or play and sing this thing together or something that my mind was like “no way in hell I’ll do that, I’ve never done anything like that before, etc.”, and yet, this calm voice would come out of me and say to the musical director “I’ve got it. Yes, I can do it.” And then, I’d stay up in the hotel room practicing singing and playing this complicated guitar part at 40 BPM slowly raising the tempo by 1 or 2 BPM, go over all my notes and stay after rehearsal to go over my settings and transitions, and other things I wanted to make sure I had. I did things over and over and over until I showed up the next day at rehearsal and could nail it.
I share that story with you so that you know that anything you want is possible too. All it takes is believing in yourself and keeping that belief in your mind so much that nothing can stop you. No matter what people say, no matter what people do, no matter how many mistakes you make or how many times you don’t get it. I know how tempting it is to be like “oh shit, I could never do that”, simply because you haven’t done it before. When you bypass the mind, you find the inner knowing that will show you the way, that will tell you what you actually can do. I have many students who say things like “I’m just not good at playing and singing together”, or “I’m just not good at like playing two hands together on the piano”, or “I’m just not good at high notes”. I think, and sometimes say, “Of course you’re not good at it! It’s your first time doing it!” When you see yourself as a person who “isn’t good” at something, or if you don’t believe you’ll ever get it, then you’re blocking your ability to eventually get there. A much more effective approach to take when you hear yourself going into that type of thinking is: “This is challenging. I’ll keep working on it. I’ll get it eventually. I’m getting closer. I’m really getting the hang of this. I can do it.” Now, when I find something I can’t do musically, usually there’s excitement in me because then I get to spend time working on it and learning something new. (I mean, sometimes I’m still pissed or annoyed but I’m human - I take a break then lol) And, after over 30 years of making music I still work on new things all the time that I can’t do, some that I come back to for weeks and chip away at, and even when I can’t get it on a certain day, I think “you did great work today, you’re getting closer”. Then, boom, one day I get it.
Now, if only I could be this way with allllllll other areas in my life that would be freakin’ sweet lol, but that’s another blog post for another day. We’re all works-in-progress.
Alright my loves, thanks again for giving me this space to share. I believe in you, I love you, and here’s to everyone finding their truths and believing in themselves so we all can be living our best and most fulfilled lives. It’s easy to think you don’t have the power to change things, but you really do. I’m right here with you.
As usual, I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with this type of thing. Can you relate? Do you have any areas that you’re not believing in yourself that you may be able to take a look at?
If you want to read more like this, and stay updated with my latest releases and offerings, please subscribe to my mailing list by clicking here. And always, if there’s anything you’d like me to write about please let me know by leaving a comment or e-mailing me here. Keep on keeping on my friends.
Also, if you haven’t already, download your FREE 5 minute vocal warm up here!
xxKat