Here Comes The Sun
Dear friends, thank you so much for all of your concern regarding my post a few days ago. First of all, in all honesty, I am totally fine. In fact, I'm better than ever. Yes, I am actually feeling sadness and pain and all these so-called bad emotions, however I am also experiencing levels of happiness, exhilaration, excitement, peace, connectedness, so-called good emotions that I didn't know existed. Can't have one without the other, can't numb yourself to the sadness and anger and expect the happiness and compassion and love to come through. I've learned that it doesn't work like that - duality is the stuff that life is made of.
It was a huge breakthrough for me to share that (and share this, even 😂) and I did so because I felt that I was finally ready. It was a huge step in my healing, and a huge "fuck yeah!" to myself about how far I've come in learning to process and share my feelings. You know how many of those posts I've written but chickened out or made excuses or didn't have time to post? Hundreds upon hundreds, probably.
I whole-heartedly appreciate all the love and kindness and genuine caring that I have felt from you all - the calls, texts, messages, and comments, and I feel very blessed and grateful. I know it may have come as a shock to some of you, because it's not something that I have ever opened up about. Over the years I've learned to keep the difficult feelings and issues buried, and could live a somewhat "normal" life. (I never learned to talked about feelings or emotions, so I just never knew any other way). In fact, I think part of the reason I didn't want to share in the past was because I was too afraid of what people would think - I didn't want pity, people to worry, or people to think I was crazy. I didn't want that kind of attention. The truth is that I used to care more about what people thought of me than my own well being, and this is still something I am working on. This fear of what people thought and needing to be who everyone wanted me to be just allowed the shadows to grow bigger and bigger in the dark, and the stress grew with them as they became more and more difficult to keep hidden.
In the end, I know now that putting myself out there in all my dark and light, being vulnerable and open is the way to truly connect with people. This is what I want. This is what we all crave. Connection. I've been working on this with those closest to me and creating all sorts of new and intimate and yummy relationships I never dreamed were possible. I'm even writing and creating and making music and collaborating at a level I've never experienced before. It's all beautiful, really. This crazy, rollercoaster ride of humanity. Thanks for sharing it with me. U guys rock. ✌✌👌
Again, sending you all love and strength on your journeys. Keep your heads up and whether you're on a high or low, know that it's not forever - it will pass eventually and you'll be on to the next very soon. And when all else fails....put on some music and dance your ass off. Play with your pets. Have a good cry, a cup of tea and a bath...and realize life doesn't have to be so goddamn serious all the time.
So much love,