Sometimes you just gotta forget about everything that's going on and sit in silence. It doesn't matter where you are, who you are, what you're doing - you always deserve moments of peace.
I sat on a bench today and closed my eyes, drinking in the sweet smells of nature, feeling the sun kissing my skin, the breeze caressing the back of my neck. At that moment I felt my mom right beside me, a presence that made me immediately at ease. Today is her birthday, and I miss her so much. It's been a difficult day, yet this year I gave myself the permission to cry, and be sad, go through the emotions instead of trying to busy myself and get things done to cover it up. And, after spending some time outside amongst trees and in the sunshine, I do feel much better. The sadness and anger dissipated and what was left was gratitude. For all she's taught me, her smile, her always being able to make things better with a hug. Her meals cooked with love and how she'd always say "it's not that good, right?" And we'd have to say "no, it's amazing!" I miss calling her on the phone and how she would get so excited to hear about things that were going on with me. How she was so supportive of what I wanted to do, and how she believed in me so much even when I didn't see it myself. How she loved me despite all the shitty things I said and did to her growing up. How she confronted me when I had an eating disorder in my teens because she was genuinely worried for my life - even if I lashed out at her, she stuck on me and did her best to support. I wish she could be here to see who I've become over the last 7 years ... yet deep down I know she knows and is proud of me. She still inspires me to be a better person every single day.
When I have these experiences I totally believe there is something bigger, something more, and that I can trust it to guide me. My mom's spirit, my spirit, spirit in general, Higher Self, God, Universe, Love - it doesn't matter, I believe it is all the same. The same thing that makes flowers bloom and the stars come out at night, that gives us power to do things we never imagined possible, that heals and mends and holds us.
We all deserve to feel good. To be happy. To be loved. No matter what. I invite you to stop for a moment and just close your eyes, right now. Breathe into your belly and let the thoughts float by like clouds. That's it. That's where the magic lies.
PS. This isn't the greatest photo but it's the only one I've got right now. Sad. I need to get more! Soon.