Don't let this happen to you..
Burned out. Run down. Emotional and physical fatigue. Sigh. You’ve crossed off all the items on your to-do list, had a great yoga session, ate three healthy gluten-and-dairy free meals, donated to an amazing cause, got eight hours of sleep, and watched the final episode of House Of Cards. (I know…craziness. No spoilers, don’t worry!) You’ve done everything you should do to be happy and glowing yet you still feel empty, tired, and stressed out. Even after unwinding with a beautiful bath full of Dead Sea salts and essential oils specifically designed to calm - there’s still something missing, an ache in your heart that burns red hot the second your mind becomes still and all is silent. Infuriating. Simply infuriating.
Good news is - you’re not alone. I totally feel for you and can definitely relate, which is why I’m writing this right now. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with something that sounds so simple, but for me has been quite a challenge. Four little words.
What Do I Want?
Once the responsibility and choice is thrown to me and me alone, my mind goes into freak out mode and I try to do anything I can to avoid making my own decision. I’ve spent so much time dodging my feelings, and placing way more importance on what other people want, or what other people expect of me. What I “should” do has become congruent with what I “want” to do in my mind. Realizing I had never asked myself what I actually wanted, it totally blew my mind. (And made me cry. A lot.) No wonder I’ve been so empty, tired, and stressed out! It’s like pushing and pushing yourself to climb a mountain, sweating profusely and tiring out all your muscles when you never even wanted to climb the damn mountain in the first place.
We live in a society where we all are pushed to succeed on other people’s terms and do things to make other people happy. We also have come up with a new obsession, self-improvement. There doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to meditate, juice, do yoga, journal, exercise, purify, cleanse, what have you. It has somehow become stressful and judgmental to “better” ourselves. When do we ever stop and ask ourselves what we really, really want? When do we take the time to sit silently alone and listen to the call of our hearts and souls? Then we wonder why so many of us are depressed, stressed out, chronically tired and empty, turning to addictions and other things to numb the pain. Myself included.
This realization has been a game changer for me. It’s quite recent, so I’m still working on digging things up, moving things around, asking a lot of questions. (And crying. A lot.) What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to have? What really and truly makes me happy? What have I been doing just because I want to impress, make my family proud, or be “cool”? I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in but it always felt like I was right on the edge. It’s all starting to make sense now – how could I ever truly fit in if I kept trying to mould myself into something I thought other people wanted? I see now that it’s more important to start from the inside out, and have faith that those that are meant to be in my life will come to me. Easier said then done, but…this is the first step I suppose. One foot in front of the other.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and know if anyone else is going through something similar. Strength in numbers - we can help each other through this. Leave me a comment and let’s connect. Also, feel free to subscribe and I will come straight to your inbox every week, or two…or three.
Listen, the unknown is a scary place; I know that for a fact. So, peeling back these layers and questioning things that have been with you for your whole life is not an easy task. But, it is definitely worth it. What’s the point of struggling to live a life you don’t actually want to live? One thing that helps to get through it is to breathe. After all, fear is just excitement without the breath! :)
All my love,