Love yourself for everything you are today. (Well, and everyday). When I say everything, I really mean everything, even the parts of you dwelling deep in the dark caves of your insides that you think you should be ashamed of. Especially those parts that are a bit more challenging. Rise to the challenge. .
There's no need to compare yourself, to measure up to something you've created in your mind or something you've learned you had to be, there's no need to hold yourself to a certain standard or image of an ideal person you have to be to receive your love. Be the one who loves you unconditionally so that you won't need to desperately search outside yourself, hungry. .
The Universe has chosen to express itself through you. Has CHOSEN. YOU. Let that sink in for a second. It wants to feel and enjoy the world through your hands, see and enjoy the beauty of the world through your eyes, and even experience the whole spectrum of emotions. .
Right now, anything is possible. It's all just a matter of perspective. .
We can do this. .
All my love.
Having one of those mornings where my mind is on overdrive. Right from gasping for air waking up from a stress dream, had to let a kitty in my room to sit on my chest and help me get back to get a bit more sleep. Just too many things, worried about making the wrong decisions, even about little things, feeling pulled in all sorts of directions, just being hard on myself and old perfectionist habits coming up. Sometimes I wish I weren't like this, and that I could be like other people who seem to just have an easier time at life. But hey, maybe that's not true either and maybe people think that about me. Social media has a way of distorting reality. Yeah, easy to tell someone else, but hard to take in on my own. .
I lately have observed me being hard on myself because I've been posting and saying nice things and being like omg who am I to say this when I still have these difficult mornings where I don't want to get out of bed and face life. Then I remember I am human too and sharing this helps the entire process. I just wanna be real. I'm tired of pulling myself together and plastering a smile on, trying to please everyone, tired of censoring myself because I've been made to feel early on and even now that my personality is "too big" or "too much" or "too sensitive" or "over dramatic". I guess I'm tired of the shame so I'm saying it out loud to help diminish shame's power over me. I'm figuring out who I am and I want to give myself permission to be myself fully for once in my life. You know, I sometimes wish I could write this from a place of coming out on the other side, instead of smack dab in the middle of the storm, but now is all I've got and it's as real as I know how to be. I usually would meditate or something when I feel like this but instead played Mario Kart (finally got 3 stars in the Special Cup yesssss) and then picked up the uke to self soothe and this came out. If it helped me, maybe it'll help someone else who's feeling pulled in all sorts of directions and just needs to be reminded at how special and amazing they are, no matter what, and loved unconditionally. .
We can do this. ✌️💜
It's about that time. .
I used to never let myself do nothing. There was always so much to do and so many voices in my head to please. 😒
Working on "chilling out". This pillow reminds me of that when I see it every day on my bed.
So, I just threw on this new robe and decided to lie down and do nothing but breathe for a little while. I've started to really pay attention to my energy, and after observing my state after meditation or yoga I can see now when I'm so clearly outside my window and in no condition to do anything. Now I'm learning to recognize sooner the moments I need to listen to the inner voice that says "that's enough. go lie down and do nothing for a bit. this is necessary for your health, both physical and mental". And once I stop typing this post I will resume my doing nothing. 🙏♥️
"deep" by @juliamichaels. been listening to this song a buuuuunch so decided to grab my uke and sit on my bedroom floor and sing. 😊 therapy. .
never thought my hair would ever be this color, only in my dreams. @connorlangehair at @bobandpaigesalon makes colour miracles happen. 🙏🖤
listening to her latest release along with other things have woken up something in me that sometimes gets lost when i am under the blanket of depression or just going through a low time. grateful for the gifts or creativity that writers and music and artists etc. give me, and their courage to push past all the inner bullshit and be open and vulnerable, be who they truly are. .
if you're going through something, sending you love. know that you aren't always going to feel lost, and something unexpectedly might just hit you any day that just leads to a breakdown (I mean, a breakTHROUGH 😂) that will give birth to a new perspective that will help make your life more of the way you want it to be, and help you express more of who you truly are. just breathe.
One of my students brought this song in to learn, and when I got home something pulled me to play it for my own enjoyment somewhere between 3 and 4 am. I haven't seen Crazy Rich Asians yet but I can just imagine how beautiful the scene is that this is in. I love this @kinagrannis version of an already amazing song. (PS. Very glad I had a hair appointment after this video was shot. Those ends are not happy.) 🖤
Always fun with @connorlangehair at @bobandpaigesalon
Dear @_fred_mg, I am so thankful that you were born. I celebrate you today and every day. I am so lucky to have someone so gorgeous, talented, loving, and supportive in my life. Happy happy birthday baby from me and the kitties. I love you with all that I am, and they love you because you can open the fridge and give them food. 😘😽😼😻
Happy 2019. I breathe through the voices in my head telling me to forget about posting this, that my words are dumb or unimportant. This year I release the need to validate myself. To earn love or self worth. I want to fill each day with gratitude for all I have. I always think that I could have a palace of gold but if I wasn't able to appreciate it and see it through awakened eyes, it wouldn't mean anything. I will do my best to feel my feelings when they arise and let them pass through me, instead of numbing them, even the difficult ones. I want to experience the entire spectrum and know that I can't selectively numb feeelings.
I will do my best to love fully though I fear being hurt - believe that things can be different. I will do my best to speak up when I am ashamed or feel vulnerable. I will do my best to be more gentle and soft with myself as I navigate change and hard things in this world. Most of all, I will continue to learn who I am and love myself after years of being what I thought I needed to be for other people to like me, to seem "normal" despite my past, and do my best to let that true self shine out into the world. Despite what life has thrown my way, I am learning that I am not broken. I am not damaged goods. I'm learning that I deserve a beautiful life and love, though I never believed it before. Always blessed to have another year here doing things that I love and building stronger relationships with people I love. Learning what a beautiful feeling trust is. There have been very difficult times, but I am still here, I am still alive. All I can do is my best.
Wishing everyone an amazing 2019, lots of love, and just know that no matter what situation you find yourself in, there is hope. Things can and will change. Ask for help. Speak up. Express yourself. Take deep breaths. Try a new way of doing something that might feel better even if it's scary. Do what your heart calls you to do, and if you don't know, spend some time in silence just trying to listen. She will speak. ♥️ Xxxxx Kat
@toydaggers at @bovinesexclub last night. So much fun to play some new ones! Can't wait to get them out into the world. I foresee studio hibernation in 2019. 🗡️🖤
@toydaggers at @bovinesexclub tonight! Doors at 9 and we are on first! Stoked to play some new songs. 🗡️♥️
I really dream of warm and sunny Christmases on the beach but I do love this song. #whitechristmas #christmas
Last @toydaggers show of the year on Dec 29th at the @bovinesexclub! 🗡️🗡️
Been playing with these moody instrumentals in the middle of the night to help with my anxiety. Don't know what I'd do without my Apollo and the UA Plugins when making music of any kind. Loving the LA3A on this piano track. I use it ALL the time on all sorts of tracks. So very grateful to work with @uaudio and @hhbcanada and look forward to sharing more music sooooon. .
Also, very very very grateful to music for saving my life on countless occasions and for continuing to breathe hope and love into me whenever we connect. .
My heart goes out to anyone else who has been dealing with difficult emotions and feelings as the sun stays in the sky less. We are in this together and remember to take care of yourself and love yourself up the best you can. Some of my fav helpers and non-negotiables these days: Kundalini yoga, Yin yoga, Restorative Yoga, pranayama especially breath retention exercises. Wearing a Christmas themed onesie and warm socks. Baths with candles. Kitty and human cuddles. Krav Maga at @torontokravmaga. Playing piano and recording instrumentals about how I feel.
It's hard work sometimes to get out from under the rock of depression and wade through the hard feelings and thoughts but it is so worth it when you realize you can be alive for the beautiful moments.
Okay that's all. Much love. ♥️
♥️ We had a ton of fun playing a private gig for @yamahamotorcanada. Beautiful celebration. Thanks to @yamahacanmusic for the support and help with gear. #yamahafamily
TOMORROW! Saturday, October 13th. Come out to @junctioncitymusichall for @hot_lips_music single release party. Come watch @toydaggers kick things off at 9:30pm and check out @wavesthatstray and @aciidzisaband after.✌️🖤
At @toydaggers rehearsal for @hot_lips_music single release at @junctioncitymusichall. ..
Don't let anyone make you believe you can't. ..
Didn't know this was Mental Health Day, but thought I'd say a little something as this issue is close to my heart and soul. ..
I have been on that bathroom floor sobbing because anything more than lying down is just too hard. Entire body heavy, trying to scrape out any answer that helps me escape from it. Eyes so swollen I can barely see, everything red and face dripping in fluids. In my own little cocoon that nothing can come in or out, feeling underwater. I have always felt so alone, and still do at times. Yet sharing these things makes them lose their hold. I promise, it will all be okay. Even if there are times that those words are like an ice pick to the heart because everything in me screams NO IT WILL NOT. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Ask for help. Tell someone how you feel. I could never have healed without the helo. Don't force it, just let the difficult feelings be and breathe space into them. Don't judge. Just observe. I know in my clear moments, when all is still, I am worth fighting for. And every single person alive right now is. It is hard work, but the world needs you or you wouldn't be here right now. You can always change and begin to allow the love in. It is always there and always waiting. I love you all and let's keep doing this. Find the beauty. Focus on the love. Xxx 🖤🗡️ (PS the little gremlins in my head are telling me this post is dumb and what are people gonna think? And I'm supposed to be strong and together. And what the hell do I know? And...on and on. I almost didn't post a bunch of times. Oh little gremlins. I know you're just scared of being seen but I'm doing this anyway. I am moving past these anxiety chest pains and hitting "share". You can't stop me any longer. I won't give away my power.) #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthday
@toydaggers rehearsals. Creating, tweaking, connecting, emoting, dying and being reborn. Ya know.
The fire in my belly is growing and growing as this show gets closer. Going to be a killer evening. Sat Oct 13th at @junctioncitymusichall. Come! xxxxx